i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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