just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize