i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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