i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
