He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
