I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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