I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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