I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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