"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
