I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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