Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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