That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize