im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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