Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
