I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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