omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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