the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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