is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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