i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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