i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
