Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
