dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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