stop calling my apartment porn island.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
false alarm, still single
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
