I just saw a hot homeless man
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
