I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
