He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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