Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
