I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize