My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
