im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize