I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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