When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
