Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
