You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
