I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Say something about gay babies.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
