He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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