i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
