A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
