Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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