Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
