Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
