Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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