Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
