I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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