Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
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he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
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I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
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