People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
