The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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