Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
