Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Randomize
