i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
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Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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