My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize