Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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