There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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