do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
