I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Quick, to the slutcave!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
