what day is it and did you see me today?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
