Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I checked into jail on foursquare
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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