considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
