he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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